


I'm Scared You'll Forget Me Again

by Rivulet027



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Background Phil Coulson/Melinda May - Freeform, Background Relationships, Bisexual Clint Barton, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Canon-Typical Violence, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Clint Barton Feels, Cuddling & Snuggling, Deaf Clint Barton, Hurt Clint Barton, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, M/M, Mutual Pining, Past Brainwashing, Past Clint Barton/Phil Coulson, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Sam Wilson, Sharing a Bed, Steve Rogers Feels, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-14 05:31:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16486772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rivulet027/pseuds/Rivulet027
Summary: When Bucky stops at Steve and Sam's house to request that the two stop searching for him he discovers a piece of his past with Hydra, that he used to work with Clint Barton. He rescues Clint and the two of them try to piece together memories of their life before Hydra. Sam and Steve ask Natasha to help them figure out what happened to Clint.





	I'm Scared You'll Forget Me Again

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Marvel. It's not my toy box and I'm merely playing. I also own nothing to do with MASH. The title is a line from the song "Some Nights" by Fun, you can find it [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQkBeOisNM0&start_radio=1&list=RDqQkBeOisNM0). I also own nothing to do with Rick Riordon or Benjamin Franklin, though both men are only briefly mentioned. 
> 
> A/N: Thank you so much to the artists I got to work with! Thank you to midnightclarity for the beta! Also a huge thank you to Kat and Mara!

Sam exchanges goodbyes with Steve before slipping his phone into his pocket. He unlocks the door to their home then heads for the shower. He can smell a candle burning when he gets out. This causes Sam to pause, there's no way Steve's back with pizza yet. He dries quickly, pulls on his pants, and grabs his shirt before quietly exiting the bathroom. There’s a man standing in the living room, regarding the artistically arranged framed photos and art Steve has collaged on one of their walls. The long dark hair, the glimpse of metal around the wrist, tell Sam who he’s looking at and leave questions as well. Is this Barnes, the Winter Solider, or some combination of the two?

The man tilts his head slightly, letting his hair fall forward over his face. Sam wets his lips, unsure how to approach. He settles for honestly, “Steve’s not here.”

“I know.” His eyes meet Sam’s after speaking the words. He doesn’t look as blank, doesn’t look as lost, but does look worried. After holding Sam’s gaze for a moment he looks back at the pictures.

Sam briefly considers telling Barnes how much Steve misses him, but he doesn’t want to put any pressure on him. Instead he asks, “Do you need anything?”

“Time.”

“Time?” Sam echoes.

Barnes traces a finger over a picture of Steve and himself, “I look happy.”

Sam waits. There’s still a question between them.

“I’m not the man he knew.”

Sam starts to speak but stops at the glare Barnes gives him.

“Don’t tell me he’s not the man I knew. I barely recall anything and it can all get taken away again.”

“Taken away?” Sam questions.

“They can wipe me again,” Barnes bites out. 

“Then let us help you,” Sam pleads. “Don’t do this alone.”

Barnes frowns as he takes Sam in before he shakes his head, “I won’t risk Steve thinking I’m his friend when they could come in and change me, order me to kill him. I won’t risk that.”

“Then let me help,” Sam pleads.

Barnes tilts his head before glancing at the pictures again. “Help me by keeping them alive. Tell Natalia I’m sorry. Tell Steve…”

Sam waits. Their eyes meet. 

“Can you give him something for me?”

Sam nods.

Barnes lips quirk up into an almost smile. He takes a step towards Sam then pauses, his focus going back to the pictures. He steps closer to the frames, eyes narrowing just slightly. “Who is this man with Natalia?”

Sam steps closer making his footsteps loud and deliberate, so he can take in the picture, no drawing, that Barnes’ is focused on. It’s one of Steve’s drawings. Natasha is reading a book, her bare feet tucked under the thighs of a man who’s laughing as he looks at her.

“That’s Clint Barton. He’s dead.”

Barnes turns to look at him. “Was he married? He has a wedding band on.”

“I never got to know him,” Sam admits. “Steve says his husband died in the Battle of New York. Barton helped them fight, he went by Hawkeye.”

“Hawkeye?”

Sam nods. “Yes.”

“Dead?”

“He died on a mission, before Steve moved down to D.C.”

Barnes crosses his arms, staring at the picture silently a moment before he reaches up to touch his own ears. “Did they see his body?”

Sam resists the urge to reach out and touch Barnes, to offer comfort. He’s not sure if Barnes would want that. “I don’t know.”

“He…his ears. He wore hearing aids.”

Sam shifts his body a bit closer, wanting to keep Barnes talking, wanting to know where this line of conversation is going. “He did. Steve said Barton had several different stories for why he needed them. Did you know him?”

Barnes touched the picture almost reverently. “I don’t know. Everything’s still a jumble.”

“We…”

“No. I won’t risk Steve or Natalia,” Barnes growls.

“Risk me then?”

“No.” Barnes growls. “You stay here. You keep them safe. You tell Natalia I’m sorry and you give Steve…give Steve…”

Sam stands still, forces his face to be calm. He watches silently as Barnes closes his eyes and takes a slow breath in and out.

“Give Steve this for me?” Barnes asks softly.

“This?” Sam questions before Barnes steps closer, cups Sam’s face with his gloved hand and leans in. Barnes brings their lips together, a slow brush at first, a question if he’s allowed. Sam kisses back and the kiss becomes solid, demanding with a tinge of desperation. Barnes pulls away sharply. Sam keeps his eyes closed, tries to control his breathing.

“Give that to Steve.”

Sam wets his lips. “You sure?”

Barnes moves his hand down to Sam’s bare shoulder, gives a squeeze, before pressing a kiss to Sam’s forehead. “Please?”

Sam opens his eyes, meets Barnes’ eyes and nods.

“Thank you.”

Sam reaches up to grips Barnes’ arm. “If you need help…”

Barnes pulls away, gives Sam’s hand a squeeze before he pulls the drawing off the wall and steps away from him. “I know how to get a hold of them and you.”

Then he’s gone out an open window and Sam is left standing there with the only evidence he’s just had a conversation with Barnes being the empty spot on the wall, an opened window, and a burning candle.

*****~~~~~*****~~~~~*****

After Steve sets the pizza on the kitchen counter he finds Sam’s shirt laying on the floor just outside the bathroom. Sam is staring out a window. There's a picture missing, one he drew right before they lost Clint. He walks past it, takes in the gooseflesh on Sam’s arms and asks, "May I close the window?"

Sam closes his eyes and presses his lips together. Steve steps closer, wraps his arms around Sam tightly when the other man leans into him.

"I tried," Sam says, voice sad. "I didn't push. I waited for him to find the words. I offered support. He still left. And now I think Hydra messed with more than one person you cared about."

Steve looks out the window, but there's nothing for him there, no clues to where Bucky went. He shuts the window and pulls Sam closer, rubs at Sam’s chilled arms as he asks, "Bucky was here?"

"He called Natasha Natalia. He said to tell her he's sorry. He...He took your picture of Clint. He asked questions, it seemed like he knew the guy."

Steve rests his forehead between Sam's bare shoulders and blows out a short breath. "His last mission was with Rumlow and Sitwell."

"He didn't want help. He's worried Hydra will turn him against you, that you'd think he was a friend and he'd hurt you."

Steve rests his chin on Sam's shoulder, "Do you think we should give him his space?"

"I think if there are more of those chairs, other ways to control him, and we should be wipe them out. I don't know if that's what his goal is, but he at least deserves the peace of mind that he's not going to be anyone's puppet."

"Thank you."

Sam nods decisively before pulling away. He turns to face Steve, his own arms still wrapped around himself. He frowns for a moment and Steve gets the feeling Sam wants to say something else, but he frowns at the window instead. Steve thinks about pulling Sam close again, but instead lets his arms hang loosely at his sides as he raises his eyebrows in question. Their eyes meet and Steve wants to kiss him. He misses kissing Sam. They’ve only had sex once and Steve is relatively sure he mis-stepped when he left. Of course he’d found Fury in his apartment and then everything with finding Bucky and having to stop the helicarriers happened. He and Sam live together now, they’ve close friends, but Steve isn’t sure how to get them back to flirting. He’s not sure Sam wants anything more than friendship.

Sam wets his lips, glances at the window again, then asks for his shirt.

*****~~~~~*****~~~~~*****

The scientist's hands are shaking. He keeps glancing between the Winter Solider and Hawkeye, the man the Winter Solider ordered he defrost. He watches the monitors, makes sure he isn't harming the asset that Hydra ordered him to safeguard. His hand drifts towards an alarm.

"Stop trying to set off an alarm and concentrate on keeping him safe." The Winter Solider orders as he brings his gun close to the scientist's temple.

"Please." The scientist pleads, voice shaking.

"No alarms."

The scientist nods with a whimper, eyes darting over the monitor.

The chamber hisses. The lid releases.

"In that chair." The Winter Solider orders point to a nearby chair.

Shaking he sits, then is unable to keep in his sound of shock when he’s tied up. He pleads for his life as the Winter Solider wheels the chair over to a heavy work station and then secures him to it. It's far from any alarms.

"Silence." The Winter Solider orders before tying a rag around the scientist’s head and shoving it in his mouth. “Silence or you die.”

The scientist swallows hard. His eyes widen as the Winter Solider crosses the room and the lid is pushed off the cryo-tube. The Winter Solider helps Hawkeye to sit up. Hawkeye sits there, still in the cryo-tube with his arms loose, dangling at his sides. The Winter Solider presses Hawkeye’s hearing aids to his chest. Hawkeye blinks down at the hand touching him.

The Winter Solider twists himself slightly down until he catches Hawkeyes’ eyes, then he says, “Put them in.”

Hawkeye does as he’s told. Then he pushes the rest of the way out of the cryo-tube. The Winter Solider hands him clothes. “You need to wear these. Put them on.”

Hawkeye does as he’s told. Once he’s dressed he turns back towards the Winter Solider and asks, “Mission?”

The Winter Solider opens a protein bar and holds it out. “Eat this.”

Hawkeye eats it in quick precise bites. When he’s done the Winter Solider moves in close to him, touches his cheek. “We’re testing their security. The objective is to get out of here without setting off the alarms.”

The scientist makes a muffled noise of protest. The Winter Solider’s gun is suddenly pointing towards him again. The scientist lapses back into silence, eyes wide, as the two men leave the room.

*****~~~~~*****~~~~~*****

Natasha knows she isn’t going to like what Steve and Sam are about to tell her the moment they all sit down. Steve sits near her, but Sam sits in front of her. They’re giving her space, making sure she doesn't feel closed in. They’re not bracketing her the way they normally do when they spend time together. She makes her face impassive, then remembers she doesn’t have to be blank with them. She blows out a slow breath, she used to have that with Clint and Coulson, but now they're both gone. Clint is dead and Coulson is, though faking death, the new Director of SHIELD.

Then they tell her about Sam's conversation with Barnes, that it was Barnes and not the Winter Solider. They tell her they believe Clint isn’t dead. They don’t have to remind her who his last mission was with.

"I didn’t find anything," she protests. "I managed to dig up multiple references to Barnes and the Winter Solider, but I didn’t see anything mentioning Clint."

"We weren’t looking," Steve reminds.

"I’m going to kill them," she growls, then closes her eyes and accepts the arm Steve wraps around her shoulder. She leans into him, reaches a hand out, and smiles when she feels Sam take it and squeeze.

"We’re going to find him." Sam reassures. "Barnes too, though I don’t think he feels safe accepting support until he knows he can’t be turned against us."

"Clint might feel the same way." Natasha adds, opening her eyes. "I can look into recent kills that are suspected to be arrows. Though they might not let him use his bow, too much of a signature weapon for him. We should contact Stark, JARVIS might be able to help."

“Hill?” Sam asks.

Natasha shakes her head. “Zola told Steve and I that the Winter Solider killed Stark’s parents. When we went to talk to Tony, he revealed that Stane had already taken credit, which means Stane was giving the orders. He was an integral part of Stark Technologies, and SHIELD was where Tony’s father and Stane first met.”

Natasha pauses and raises her eyebrows, waiting for Sam to put the rest together. “You think Stane was Hydra and that they’ve infiltrated Stark Technologies as well.”

“Hills working on weeding them out,” Steve reassures.

Natasha takes her hand back from Sam and pulls her phone out of her pocket. Hill might not be able to help, but maybe...no May is keeping Coulson safe. She sends May a text anyway, just in case May might have a lead she doesn't. May might also be able to find time to help, if she's not already too busy on her own and she was always skilled at extraction. Natasha contacts former agent Emily Preston next. She starts by asking how her kids are.

She gets a reply almost immediately: Fine. Troublemakers. Not your usual straight to the point. Whose head/heads need knocking in?

Natasha almost answers Hydra, but hesitates. She leans into Steve again and frowns at her phone. She know she can trust Emily, but what if Hydra is watching? Melinda answers while she considers, also asking whose head needs to be knocked in. Natasha laughs at getting the same response from both of them. She quickly starts apprising both women that she has a situation where she could use their expertise and they need to arrange an in person meet up.

“Why do I get the feeling Hydra might live to regret their very existence?” Sam grins.

Natasha smirks.

*****~~~~~*****~~~~~*****

Barnes watches as Clint sinks down to sit on the small bed and look up at him expectantly. He’s not sure where to start. For one brief moment he considers calling Sam, maybe Sam would know what to do? He wishes Steve were here. Steve would either know what to do or who to ask. Except that used to be him, taking care of Steve, if his few scattered memories of their youth are correct.

Barnes squats down so he’s looking Clint in the eyes and asks, “What are your standard orders?”

Clint doesn’t even focus on him, instead he stares blankly ahead as he answers, “Return to my handlers after completing my mission. If encountered, kill the Director of SHIELD.”

“Specific person or the director?”

“The director.”

Barnes frowns. The news is insistent that SHIELD is disbanding. Attempting to clarify he asks, “The former director?”

“The former director is Nick Fury. The current director is Phillip Coulson. If either is encountered I’m to kill them. If there is a new director they’ll inform me,” Clint answers, tilting his head so their eyes meet.

Barnes nods.

Clint blinks at him slowly, then looks away.

“Do you remember me?” Barnes pushes.

Clint’s gaze shifts down, takes him in slowly before he frowns. “That’s not part of the mission.”

“What did they tell you to call me?”

Clint gaze stays focused on him briefly. He mouths a name and then goes back to staring blankly ahead. 

“Franklin?” Barnes tries.

Clint’s eyes meet his again. His face is blank, but his words choke out slowly, “Benjamin. Those are mission specific monikers. They mean nothing.”

“Except to have us be able to refer to each other, they’re not really codenames. I have one, they used it often. Did you?”

“Did I what?”

“Have a code name?” Barnes clarifies.

“Franklin. They always called me Franklin.”

“Benjamin Franklin.” Barnes tells him. “Took me a moment to find the reference because they weren’t referring to a founding father. He’s a character from a TV show called MASH. He went by Hawkeye.”

Clint blinks at him rapidly.

“That was your codename before Hydra started using you.”

Clint wets his lips, voice harsh. “Say it again.”

“Hawkeye.”

Clint grips his head with a slow groan and then takes several deep panting breaths before he pulls his hands away and starts shaking his head. “No. Don’t do that again. I’m not allowed to use that name.”

Barnes watches him, unsure how to continue.

“You’re not going to use that name again.” Clint tells him, voice breaking.

Their eyes meet and Barnes isn’t sure what to do. Should he give Clint more information about himself or is he already pushing too hard? Barnes wets his lips. “Your real name is Clint.”

“Clint,” he repeats, voice settling back to a monotone at his name.

Barnes nods.

Clint frowns.

“It feels weird at first, to have a name they didn’t give us,” Barnes acknowledges.

Clint reaches out slowly to cup his cheek and Barnes stills at the touch. “What’s yours?”

“Bucky,” he manages, the name still feels foreign on his tongue. He’s gotten used to think of himself as Barnes, he hopes he’ll be able to accept his once preferred name in time, but it still feels as though it’s a small precious thing that can be taken away.

“Hi.” Clint smiles slightly.

“Hi,” he echoes.

Clint wets his lips, “Clint?”

“Clint Ba…”

“No,” Clint shakes his head, grimacing. “Too much.”

Barnes presses his lips together as he considers the man before him. “Would you prefer I call you Franklin?”

Clint slides off the bed and straddles him. “Clint. I don’t remember being Clint, but it feels right.”

“I wish Bucky did.”

Clint leans in, presses their foreheads together, tilts his head and runs his nose slowly down Barnes’ nose. He presses their lips together briefly before asking, “Do you remember this?”

It’s a diversion, Barnes knows, but he doesn’t remember them kissing until he starts kissing back. He remembers a mission finished, them being locked in a room together and told to wait until transport came. He remembers them talking, comparing notes and the realization that they’ll both likely be wiped. He remembers being desperate for contact, touch. He remembers bare skin, that they…Barnes bites his lips and groans as Clint moves to kissing his neck.

“They let you remember this,” Barnes breathes out.

“And always made you forget,” Clint tells him.

Barnes closes his eyes as Clint moves back to kissing his neck, as hands skim under his shirt. He sways slightly, the edges of memories just out of his grasp. Them. This. How many times? How often? He can’t remember the last time someone touched him kindly, but now he knows he had this with Clint. Barnes breathes in a slow breath, letting his own hands come up to grip Clint’s hips. He should stop this. He…Barnes moans into the kiss Clint gives him. He starts to slide his hands under Clint’s shirt and…he pulls back and shakes his head. “We…don’t.”

Clint stills, pulls away enough that that he can blink at Barnes in confusion. “Isn’t this why you made up a mission?”

Barnes frowns. “I didn’t remember when I did that.”

“Then why?”

“I…I found out who I was. Then I saw a drawing of you, remembered shooting with you.”

Clint’s eyes drift away, stare at the floor. His look starts to go blank and distant.

Barnes squeezes his hips again, “Clint?”

Silence.

“I have the drawing. It might help. Would you like me to give it to you?”

Clint gives a small shake of his head.

“Franklin?”

Clint’s stare is still distant, his voice gravel and low. “Clint. I want to keep it. They’re not going to let me. They…they let me keep some of my life before. It hurt. My father’s fists. Worrying for my brother. My brother abandoning me. My mentor…knowing I can’t trust anyone and yet I think I killed someone I love.”

“They made you?”

“No, before them.” Clint shakes his head again, meets his eyes again. “I don’t want to remember.”

He leans in and presses a kiss to Bucky’s forehead, then his nose, and then his lips.

Barnes breathes Clint in. He wants to lean forward and chase Clint’s lips. He wants to feel skin under his fingers. He wants to ask Clint to remind him of them, together, a comfort amongst all the death. Barnes shakes his head. “We need to keep moving.”

Clint cups his face, thumbs circling slowly over Barnes’ cheeks. “You go.”

“No, come with me.”

Clint blinks at him slowly. “I have to go back.”

“There wasn’t a mission. You’re right. I made it up. Come with me.”

Clint shakes his head. “I don’t want to remember. If I go with you I’ll remember. It hurts.”

“It does, at first,” Barnes acknowledges. “Then you start remembering the good things too.”

“It hurts,” Clint glares. “And I have to go back. I don’t want to, but I have to. It hurts more if I don’t do what I’m told.”

Barnes gives Clint a brief firm kiss. “Please? I don’t want to do this alone and I won’t go back.”

Clint wets his lips and closes his eyes. He draws in a slow, shuddery breath. “Okay, okay. Let’s get you safe.”

Barnes wants to tell Clint they should both be safe, but he’s not going to push, not yet. “Let’s go. We need to keep moving.”

Clint regards him silently for a moment, eyes searching his face. Then he takes another deep breath, closing his eyes. “Yeah, okay, we’ll try running, again, but you have to promise me something first though.”

Barnes stills, every part of him feeling suddenly cold as he manages to ask, “Again?”

“I only remember one time, what happened when they brought us back. I won’t do that again, so you have to promise, you have to.”

“Promise what?” Barnes asks, knowing he’ll agree, but wanting to swallow the words back even though the way Clint’s voice broke is making him ache.

“If they find us you run, you don’t worry about me, just get yourself as far away from them as you can.”

Barnes isn’t sure what to do with the sudden sick feeling sinking into his gut. “I’m not going to abandon you.”

“Everyone always does, I’m okay with that,” Clint reassures. “If we’re going to do this, I need to know that you’ll be safe, I can’t watch them wipe you again.”

“I…” Barnes starts, then stutters to a stop. He doesn’t know how to answer. He knows what Clint wants him to say, but he’s not sure he can promise that. He doesn’t want to risk getting captured, but he can’t just agree to abandon Clint.

“You have to promise,” Clint whispers, eyes pleading.

Barnes nods. He can’t bring himself to say the words. Clint nods back, then pulls his hearing aids out and sets them on the bed. Barnes stares at them.

“How do you think they found us last time?” Clint points out. “I should ditch anything that came from there.”

Barnes nods, swallowing down his uncertainty. Was Clint trying to distract him before with the kissing, keep him here until a team showed up to take them both back to Hydra? It doesn’t matter, Barnes tells himself. He and Clint are in this together now.

~~~~~*****~~~~~*****~~~~~

They take turns driving and sleeping. Clint’s sure they’ll be found and taken back, but he doesn’t say that to Bucky. He doesn’t tell Bucky that he can still hear how he’d sounded the last time they wiped him in front of Clint. He doesn’t tell Bucky that Crossbones promised that if they ran away again that Hydra would wipe Bucky and then order him to kill Clint. That every time he looks away from the worry and determination on Bucky’s face Clint can hear Crossbones tell him, “You’re expendable.”

They need a plan. They can’t run from Hydra forever, can they? Can they really just disappear with the threat of having their memory wiped hanging over their heads?

Three days in they decide to risk a motel for showers and real beds. Clint slides into the still dry tub as Bucky drops a small black bag onto the bathroom counter. He stares at the drawing Bucky insisted he take. It’s him laughing while he looks at a woman whose reading. He doesn’t recognize the woman. His finger traces over the wedding band on his finger. He does know one thing. “He’s dead.”

“Who’s dead?” Bucky asks before he turns to pulls out a comb, a brush, and scissors.

“The man I was married to,” Clint manages.

Bucky leans against the counter facing him. “Who was he?”

Clint can’t take the ache of loss that runs through him, driving the breath out of him. He shakes his head and manages to choke, “What does it matter? He’s dead.”

“You married him. He matters. What about Natalia? Natasha, she’s Natasha to you.”

“Nat,” Clint corrects, then freezes.

Bucky grins at him. Clint shakes his head. “I don’t remember.”

“It’s slow,” Bucky agrees. Clint rolls up the picture as Bucky turns back to the mirror and stares at his hair. His hands hover over the scissors briefly, before he’s pulling his hair back into a mess of a pony tail. Clint doesn’t comment as Bucky shaves.

When Bucky finishes and meets his eyes in the mirror Clint signs, “Comb.”

Bucky raises his eyebrows.

“Bring me the comb,” Clint signs as he says the words.

Bucky grabs the comb and takes the few steps to the tub before handing it over. Clint indicates the tub and Bucky slides in, letting his legs hook over the side as he look at Clint.

“Turn,” Clint tells him, holding up the comb.

Bucky wrinkles his nose.

“I’ve got you Bucky,” Clint reminds. Bucky shifts until he’s got Clint’s legs wrapped slightly around him, but still distanced enough that Clint can sit up and pull out the hair tie. Clint slowly and carefully combs Bucky’s hair as he finds himself hoping they’ll find a way to evade Hydra and remember who they were.

~~~~~*****~~~~~*****~~~~~

Steve tries not to scowl at the several carefully organized stacks of folders laid out over the coffee table. He eyes the several boxes that are still full of files before he rests a hand on Sam’s ankle. Sam looks up from the file in his hands and gives him a brief smile. Steve closes the file he’s been looking through as he tries not to be overwhelmed by the stacks of information he thought they’d already gone through. Sam sets the file he’s been looking through in a small stack of files before taking Steve’s hand. He starts to protest, but Sam shakes his head and asks, “Get me another cup of coffee?”

“I can do that.” Steve manages a small smile to show he’s relieved to have a reprieve.

Sam nudges Steve’s thigh with his toes and tells him. “Go.”

As Steve stands he asks if anyone else wants something to drink. Natasha holds out her coffee cup without looking up from the file in her hand. She’s curled into an overstuffed chair near the couch he and Sam have taken over. May and Preston are sitting on the longer of the two couches with several files spread out between them. They both look up from the files in their hands and shake their heads.

“I’m still working on mine from earlier,” Preston reassures. May agrees. He nods his acknowledgement and goes to get Sam and Natasha refills. As he set the cups down to refill there’s a knock at the door. 

Steve pops his head back into the room to let them know he’ll get the door. 

“It’s probably Rhodey,” Natasha comments. 

“Good, we could use a food break,” Sam comments as he sets his folder down and stretches. May agrees, but Preston frowns at the folder in her hand. Steve is torn between asking Preston in she’s found something and watching the way Sam’s arms tense as he brings them over his head. Steve shakes his head at himself and goes to answer the door.

Rhodey smiles at him from the doorway and hefts the box in his arms. Steve starts to reach for the box, but Rhodey shakes his head.

“Long day?” Steve asks.

“Yeah,” Rhodey agrees. “There’s food in the car, courtesy of Tony. I’ve got this.”

Steve moves back so Rhodey can get in the door. “What is it?”

“You know Tony, something fancy he could easily order, but will taste good,” Rhodey shrugs as he starts past Steve. “It’s part him feeling bad he couldn’t leave New York to come help, part guilt he really doesn’t want to shift through files, and partly making me feel guilty for spending more time with you and Sam than him.”

“I meant the box,” Steve smiles shaking his head. Tony is busy moving his bots to Avengers Tower and helping Hill weed Hydra from his company.

“It’s a project Tony and I worked on. It’s old, old enough that Stane was the one that scrapped it for not being a weapon, but it should still work. It’s two scanning devices. We can plug in some key words or phrases and it’ll tell us if it’s in the document we’re looking at. Figured it might help.”

Steve grins, then asks, “Do I want to know where you dug it out of?”

Rhodey groans. “You do not! It took me long enough that Tony called to complain that the food might get cold.”

“But that was more to stress about something else?” Steve guesses.

Rhodey nods, face turning serious. “He’s got JARVIS digging through the SHEILD information. They found a list of SHIELD scientist Hydra wanted.”

Steve blows out a long breath. He worries about the people they might have put in danger by dumping Hydra’s information online.

“Yeah,” Rhodey agrees. “I’m on a seventy-two, so going to help you guys tonight, then head to New York tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” Steve says before he turns to get the bags from Rhodey’s car. After setting the food on the kitchen counter he heads back into the living room and pauses in the doorway. He watches as Preston hands May a folder and points at it. May’s fingers trace over a line before she looks towards the half dozen files she and Preston have spread out on the couch. Preston pulls another file off the coffee table, one from a stack of files that he and Sam have already carefully combed through when only looking for references of The Winter Solider. That pile had a short reference to him and then abruptly didn’t mention him again, even though the file was recent and seemed to be settling him up for a mission.

For one brief moment Steve lets himself dare to hope and then he reigns in that hope before he asks, “You find something?” 

“We _think_ we have,” May answers.

“No,” Preston disagrees. “This is it.”

Natasha sets the file she’s going through in her lap. Frowning she points out, “We went over those files.”

“What do we have?” Steve asks as he hands Natasha her coffee then steps over to hand Sam his. He hands Rhodey a cup as well. Rhodey thanks him softly, then glances at Preston and May.

“Agent Franklin,” Preston tells them.

Sam glances down at the file in his hand. “He’s in this file.”

“He was in a significant portion of the newer files. Why him?” Steve asks as he sits down.

“When he works with the Winter Solider the pair of them together start being referred to as Benjamin Franklin,” May says as she holds the folder so Natasha can see.

“The founding father?” Steve frowns.

“The one who experimented with lightening?” Natasha prods as she reads the folder in front of her.

“No, not that one,” Preston shakes her head. “We’re thinking they’re referencing Benjamin Franklin Pierce.”

Rhodey swears.

“Yeah, not that clever on their parts,” May comments.

“What?” Steve frowns as he looks towards Sam.

“M.A.S.H.,” Sam explains. “That’s Hawkeye, right?”

“Right,” Preston nods.

Natasha glances at the folder in her lap then glares at all of them before pulling out her phone.

“I don’t know what that is,” Steve admits.

“It was a TV show,” Sam explains.

“And a movie,” May adds.

“And a play and a book,” Preston continues.

“It’s about a mobile army surgical hospital during the Korean War,” Natasha adds as she glances up from her phone. “In the movie he was played by Donald Sutherland and the TV show Alan Alda.”

“It looks like they’re referring to The Winter Solider as Benjamin and Hawkeye as Franklin,” Preston explains.

“And Pierce ran the program,” Rhodey bites out.

“We also know that Pierce was giving the Winter Solider most of his recent orders,” May agrees.

Steve frowns down at the folders. “Is there anything in here that would help us locate where they kept him?”

“We can look at missions,” Natasha suggested, “See if there’s a central location.”

Steve nods. “I’ll get a map.”

“Or I can call JARVIS, who can send us a projection map we can manipulate and plot points on,” Rhodey suggests.

“He is good at the sort of thing,” Steve agrees as he runs a hand down his face. He drops down into the seat next to Sam and grabs a file he thought he’d already looked through.

Sam leans in close and rests a hand on his wrist. “Food first. We’ll find them, but we all need to eat so we don’t miss anything.” 

*****~~~~~*****~~~~~*****

Natasha watches as Melinda tilts her head back. She opens the sliding door to the backyard and joins her former mentor. As she shuts the door behind her, she takes quick note that Emily, Sam, Rhodey, and Steve are all still in the living room looking through files. She steps off the porch and asks, “How is he?”

Melinda glances at the house and hesitates only a moment. “Well.”

“He’d only been dead a month when Clint was taken,” Natasha reminds. “Now Clint has been dead for years. People move on.”

Melinda acknowledges her words, then takes a slow breath. “Who will Clint be when we find him? We both know how much a certain agent tended to step in and help when someone comes to us damaged.”

“He was damaged and you were the person he trusted,” Natasha reminds.

Melinda runs a hand over her face. “Should I laugh at that?”

“We both know how to do what’s necessary,” Natasha reassures.

Melinda glances at her sharply. “What are you saying is necessary here?”

“You two didn’t get together because he thought you were damaged, he wouldn’t do that. Just as you didn’t get together with him out of pity. You are both strong people, who’ve survived, and found each other. What we found today doesn’t mean that’s over.”

“You came out to reassure me that my boyfriend isn’t going to dump me for his resurrected husband?” Melinda says flatly.

“No, I came out here to reassure a friend,” Natasha says honestly.

Melinda’s lips quirk up. “Well, I’m not hugging you.”

Natasha smiles back. “Good.”

*****~~~~~*****~~~~~*****

Melinda regards her phone with a frown. She wants to have this conversation in person, but Natasha will keep anyone else from coming outside. This will likely be her only moment of privacy for a while and she needs this conversation with Phil to be private. A part of her wants to approach the call as any agent talking to the Director of SHEILD, but that isn’t going to happen. She and Phil have only just started seeing each other and she’s not ready to lose him, but she also has to tell him that his husband is still alive and has been brainwashed to work for Hydra for the last two years. Clint also likely thought Phil was dead when he was captured. She sinks down onto the porch step, not sure how to start. She pulls his number up and presses send.

“I may need to stay longer,” she tells him.

“What did Natasha need?” Phil asks. Briefly she wonders if the concern in his voice is for Natasha or for her. “Melinda, ta…”

“Don’t,” she stops him. “Don’t use that line, the one that always worked on him.”

“Him?” Phil echoes.

“That’s why Barton learned to trust you, you’d tell him to talk and then let him ramble, but you learned how to listen to him, you understood what he was trying to tell you.”

“Clint’s dead,” Phil reminds. She can hear the hurt in the flatness of his words.

“So were you,” she counters. Then she takes a brief breath and plunges onward because she’s can’t leave Phil questioning. “Though you actually died. He just went on a fake mission with Rumlow and Sitwell and got turned into another brainwashed solider for Hydra.”

“Is this confirmed?”

“There’s a paper trail. Preston and I figured it out. Once we did, the missions were easy to find. We’re still looking for a reason why they paired him with The Winter Solider,” she says as gently as possible.

“Barton always worked best on a team.”

“When it was you and Natasha, yes. Anyone else would have a different story,” she pushes, because if anyone is going to know Clint well enough to figure out this missing piece it’s going to be Phil or Natasha.

“He needs someone to watch his back, that’s true, but he also need someone he feels will listen. Sometimes saying what he’s thinking out loud lets it click in his head in a way just seeing things doesn’t. Sometimes he needs a nudge in the right direction,” Phil explains. “Get him to actually care about another person trapped with him and he’d wouldn’t leave without them and then be easier to manipulate.”

“Which Hydra would easily exploit and would’ve know from reports.”

“When do you think you’ll get back?” Phil changes the subjects.

“Is it you or the team getting antsy?” she teases.

“With everything still up in the air I feel better with everyone accounted for,” Phil tells her, she can hear the honesty in his voice.

“I stay here you might have your husband back.” There she said it, the crux of her dilemma. She wants to get Clint back. She wants to make Hydra pay for what they did to Hawkeye, get them back for the trust they betrayed. She’s just not sure she’s ready to give up on the idea of her and Phil.

“I’m not the man he knew,” Phil points out. “He won’t be the man I knew and we both know that Hydra probably pushed for Clint’s bonding to The Winter Solider to be intimate.”

“You think he fell in love, even though he doesn’t have a sense of who he is?” May attempts to reason. She can’t have hope, she’s not about to get her heart broken.

“I think that if anyone could do that, it’d be Clint,” Phil sighs and Melinda knows with sudden dawning clarity that he’s just as conflicted as she is.

*****~~~~~*****~~~~~*****

Steve frowns as he puts the last of the leftover into the fridge. “Sometimes I think Tony overestimates how much we can eat.”

“Food is love?” Natasha offers.

Steve smiles and shakes his head. It’s been a slow road to friendship with Tony, but they are learning each other quirks.

“You still get uncomfortable with anything lavish,” Natasha continues, “but food you’re always willing to accept.”

“Tony does like giving gifts,” Steve agrees.

Natasha nods, then offers, “I can go stay in the hotel with Emily and Melinda, if you want to be alone with Sam.” 

Steve starts to load the dishwasher as he reminds. “We’re not together.”

“Is that regret I hear in your voice?” Natasha teases as she hops on the counter to perch there and watch him.

“I screwed it up,” Steve admits. “I don’t think he trusts me not to screw it up again.”

Natasha tilts her head. He can tell she’s waiting for him to continue.

“Are you asking me how I screwed this up?” he stalls.

“Are you offering that information so that I can help you figure out how to fix it?” Natasha counters.

“It was bad timing,” Steve says. “I finally work up the nerve to talk to Sam, then managed to ask him out to dinner, but…”

“What? You forgot to kiss him goodnight?” Natasha pokes lightly when Steve trails off. “Clearly the conversation wasn’t dull, you two live together and are practically all over each other without overzealous PDA every chance you get.”

“PDA?”

“You know that one,” Natasha chides with a teasing smile.

Steve answers back with his own smile, then he shakes his head. “The opposite. We moved too fast and I don’t think I handled that the way he wanted. I left and then found Fury in my apartment.”

“Too fast? You’re not an awful kisser so he shouldn’t complain. What base did you make it to? Did you even have that concept in your…You had a one night stand.” Natasha’s eyes sparkle as she smirks.

Steve grimaces.

“He wanted you to stay the night. He wanted to cook you breakfast. Clearly it was good, but now he thinks it wasn’t, because you left and then when you came back we were on the run and looking for Bucky.”

“How do you just know everything?” Steve pretends to complain.

“I’d say it was a gift, but there were so many hours of Sherlock Holmes,” she mocks primly.

Steve snorts. “Lie.”

“Yes,” she agrees.

“How do I fix this?” Steve asks.

“Have you talked about it?”

Steve rinses a plate off and puts it in the dishwasher before he turns to her. “That’s your advice, talk about it?”

“Yes, reassure him that you know how you fucked up, and that you’re not going to leave him for Bucky.”

“Leave him for…Bucky and I are friends, were friends,” Steve protests. “We were family.”

“Does he know that? He dropped everything to come help you find Bucky, the guy he thinks will keep the two of you from getting together, not because the sex was that good or because you’re Captain America. He did that because he’s Sam, that’s the kinda of thing he does. So reassure him that the kind of thing you do isn’t leave the guy you were pining after for the first piece of the past that comes along.”

“Pining?”

“Did I not get the term right?” She widen her eyes in faux confusion.

Steve rolls his eyes. “I wasn’t pining.”

“That was the first time you saw him?”

“Second,” Steve admits.

“Pining,” Natasha confirms. “I don’t blame you, he _is_ gorgeous.”

*****~~~~~*****~~~~*****

Barnes stares up at the ceiling as he listens to the sounds outside their door. He glances at the clock. He should get Clint up, but stretching out on a real bed, with Clint sleeping against him is something he doesn’t want to let go of. Clint shifts closer, pressing his forehead against Barnes’ shoulder, and tightens the grip he has on Barnes’ hip. Barnes runs a reassuring hand over Clint’s back. As Clint relaxes against him Barnes aches. He wants to tell Clint they’re safe, but they’re not. He needs them to be safe. If he calls Steve how quickly does he lose Clint?

He holds on until he needs to head to the bathroom. After peeing he washes his hand and looks at his hair in the mirror. He wants it gone. It’s weighing him down. He tugs at it, then pulls scissors out of the small bag he keeps his bathroom supplies in. He stares at them sitting on the counter. He wants to use them, but he can’t bring himself to. What if he gets captured today and then just wakes up with long hair again.

Barnes huffs out a frustrated breath and lets his shoulders drop. He’s not cutting his hair today. He looks up and meets Clint’s eyes in the mirror. Clint yawns, shuffles into the bathroom, and pulls the comb out of the bag before he steps in close. Barnes stills, tilting his head when indicated, lets Clint pick out all the snarls and then tie his hair back from his face. 

“Thank you,” Barnes signs.

Clint’s lips quirk up into a smile. “Thank me with coffee Bucky.”

Barnes smiles back wistfully. He likes the way his name sounds on Clint’s lips. He longs to hear Steve call him by that name again. He wants to accept that he’s Bucky. He’s just not sure who that person is or how long he’ll get to be him and Barnes knows that once he accepts he’s Bucky he’s not going to want to give up being him again.

******~~~~~~*****~~~~~*****

Clint groans happily as Bucky hands him a cup of coffee and places a bag of donuts on the nightstand. “I feel like I could drink a whole pot of this.”

He pauses, because he’s certain at some point he actually drank out of the carafe. He remembers the warmth of a woman teasing him for it. She had red hair. Who was she? Nat. Nat had red hair, most of the time. Clint blinks down at his coffee. He glances up to where Bucky has powder on his lips from the donut he’s eating. Clint forces himself to take a sip of coffee. It’s as good as he was anticipating, but now it sits hollowly.

Bucky wets his lips. “Good memory or bad?”

His are slow to return. Bucky seems to have nightmares flood in the moment he drops into sleep. Still, Bucky checks in, worries about him, makes it clear they’re in this together. Clint keep trying to tell himself that the two of them are just having an adventure until Hydra catches up. Now Bucky is looking at him with concern, a bit of powdered donut on his lip, and Clint ignores the edge of a memory that pokes at him because the certainty that settles around him brokers no arguments. Clint sets his coffee on the night stand, crosses the distance between them, and leans in to kiss Bucky.

Bucky’s hands grip Clint’s hips as they continue kissing. Clint wants to straddle Bucky’s legs, turns this into more than kissing, but they’re not safe and can’t afford to get distracted.

Reluctantly he pulls away. “We should keep moving.”

They’re going to need help. Does he have any friends that could help him after everything that happened? Does Bucky have any friends?

They take their one bag with toiletries and a change of clothes with them to their car. Clint settles into the driver’s seat and puts his coffee next to him in the cup holder. He asks for a donut first because that will be easier than poking and prodding Bucky into tell him how he broke Hydra’s hold over himself, how he came to realize who is was.

*****~~~~~*****~~~~~*****

Breakfast is pancakes with bacon and eggs. Steve starts making them while Sam gets in the shower, but Sam steps in to help as soon as he dressed. Steve keeps looking at him, glancing at him out of the corner of his eye. 

Does Steve know that he didn’t give him all of Barnes’ message? Sam promised Barnes he’d kiss Steve for him, but he couldn’t. That last time he only meant to kiss Steve ended up with him bringing Steve home with him.

“We’ll find him,” Sam reassures.

“I know,” Steve agrees. “We’ll find them both.”

Sam picks up his bacon.

“We’re just friends,” Steve tells him. How does Steve not think Sam understands that the two of them are only friends now?

Sam sighs. “I know.”

Steve frowns at him.

"You're the first person I've been attracted to since I came out of the ice,” Steve admits slowly.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Sam reassures. He should look at Steve to emphasize his words, but he can’t bring himself to.

Steve laughs, in a way that sounds relieved. Sam frowns at him. Steve smiles, then tells him, “Yeah, we probably do.”

“What’s there to say? We had a one night stand, it was great, now we’re friends,” Sam somehow manages to choke out. 

“Is that what you want?”

Sam stills. He thinks about that night, their one date. He misses kissing Steve, hell he misses having sex with Steve, but that only happened that one night. It is what it is. Everything fell apart and he can accept he’s not the guy Steve wants a relationship with, can’t he? Sam frowns and admits, “Bucky asked me to give you something.”

“If it was something that would help us find him you already would have,” Steve shakes his head, his confusion evident.

“It’s not a thing, sort of,” Sam continues, then groans.

Steve reaches out and rubs his back. Sam pushes his plate away and turns to regard Steve. Steve sets his fork down. Sam wants to kiss him, he’s been wanting to kiss Steve. It’s become annoying how often that urge is there. They’ll be doing dishes together or watching a movie. He’s resisted and yet Steve is right there in front of him and Barnes, well Barnes gave him all the evidence he needed that this isn’t going to work between him and Steve, not when Steve is hung up on one of the guys they’re trying to find. Still, Sam wants.

He closes the distance between them. Their lips meet and Steve fold around him, one hand at Sam’s waist, the other on his neck. Sam cups Steve’s face knowing even as the kiss deepens and Steve’s hand drifts to skim under his shirt that he’ll need to pull away. He kisses Steve, puts as much as he can into it because he’s sure this will be the last time, then only time he gives into the urge to pull Steve close like this. For a brief moment it turns hungry, desperate.

Steve moans. Sam shifts away. Steve’s eyebrows knit together. Sam struggles for a brief moment. He tries to tell himself he’s catching his breath, but it’s taking every ounce of willpower not to pull Steve back in. Steve starts to lean towards him.

“That’s what he asked me to give you,” Sam says and tries to push down the longing as his words cause Steve to still and blink at him slowly.

“Bucky kissed you?”

“Yes.”

“Bucky kissed you like that?” Steve looks even more confused. “Then told you to give it to me?”

“No. He asked me to give you something and then he kissed me. It wasn’t quite that intense.”

Steve stares at him a moment longer, then admits, “We never kissed. Bucky and me. We’re friends, we’ve only ever been friends.”

“Then why would he…”

Steve laughs. “Natasha’s right. We need to talk about this.”

“This?”

“I screwed up,” Steve admits. “I shouldn’t have left. Everything was just a bit more intense than I’d anticipated.”

“It was,” Sam agrees.

“Then things got screwed up so quickly,” Steve shakes his head. “I thought I’d go home and be able to ask you out again, not find Bucky, and talk you into joining the Avengers. That hadn’t been my plan.”

“Oh, it was clear that wasn’t your plan,” Sam manages to tease, feeling lighter. “I just didn’t think you were looking for a second date.”

“So maybe we try a second date?” Steve suggests. 

“It’ll all go to hell again,” Sam shakes his head.

“I’m getting a second date,” Steve smiles.

“Are you now? I’m not sure I agreed to that,” Sam teases back.

Steve smirks. “Well, if you’d rather just say friends…”

“Did I say that? Putting words into my mouth now Rogers, and not the ones you want to hear?”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” Steve tells him in a mocking serious tone before taking Sam’s hands and asking with earnestly. “Would you do me the honor of allowing me to take you on a second date?”

Sam takes in the mirth in Steve’s eyes. “History did not know you were this much of a troll, did it?”

“Yeah, but you enjoy it.”

Sam grins back. “Lucky for you, I do.”

Sam’s relatively sure their second date is going to get disrupted. There are too many balls in the air, too much they’re on standby for. He takes in Steve’s answering grin. Steve starts to lean in for a kiss. Sam raises his eyebrows.

“Do I have to wait for the second date?” Steve asks.

Sam grins and shakes his head as he pulls Steve back in.

*****~~~~~*****~~~~~*****

Clint’s screaming, calling out for someone named Barney. Barnes puts on the emergency blinkers and pulls the car over. He calls to Clint, offers reassurances. Clint wakes up suddenly, pales, and pushes himself out of the car. Barnes follows after. He pauses and stands nearby as Clint retches. He heads back to the car, grabs a bottle of water, and then makes sure the car is locked. 

Clint is just starting to stand, still looking pale. Barnes hands him the water. Clint rinses his mouth out, then spits it into the dirt. He pulls Barnes close, shuddering. Barnes wraps his arms around Clint. They cling to each other as cars whip past on the highway.

“I told you this hurt,” Clint complains.

If they slowed would the memories still be this bad. Would Steve know how to find good memories for him and Clint?

Clint’s been asking questions, wanting to know what happened. He wants to know how Barnes’ remembered and Barnes still isn’t sure he’s ready to share, but maybe if they stop moving, maybe if there wasn’t so much fear that they’d be caught, the two of them could focus on something other than the bad memories. Maybe it’s time to tell Clint everything he knows. 

Clint steps back and stares at the cars driving past, then he glances at the water bottle in his hand and says slowly. “I had a dog?”

“A dog?” Bucky frowns. The words are unexpected.

“I had a dog,” Clint says more firmly. “I don’t even know his name. I don’t even know if he was still alive when Hydra took me. I do know he liked pizza and had one eye. What the fuck happened to my dog?”

“We could ask Steve,” Barnes offers.

“Steve?”

“The man they wanted me to kill,” Barnes admits. “Hydra sent me after him, but it turned out he was my friend and I remembered that. He cared. I’d cared for him. We’d been friends, brothers even, but Hydra took that and I’m not sure…I’m not the person he knew. I’m not sure he can accept me as this.”

Clint pulls him close again. “We can try, but we shouldn’t put anyone else in danger either.”

“He’ll want to see me and he has friends who could help. He might even know about your dog,” Barnes manages. The words feel heavy, each one costing him a bit of fear as it comes out.

“How would he know about my dog?” Clint looks hopeful, but confused.

“Steve’s Captain America and his current team is the Avengers, you were on that team,” Bucky tells him.

Clint frowns. “Maybe he wouldn’t like either of us.”

“He made a new friend. We’ll call Sam first,” Bucky tries. Somehow talking to Sam seems easier than talking to Steve.

Clint reaches out for his hand and squeezes it. They’re going to do this together. Barnes isn’t sure he’s ready, but at least he has Clint.

*****~~~~~*****~~~~~*****

It relaxes Melinda to see Phil alive and well, even if it’s only over a video connection. Phil looks concerned.

“I know you have a lot to do,” Melinda agrees. 

“Natasha could reach him,” Phil says.

“You’re going to have to reveal that you’re alive to the Avenger eventually. Doing so to help get Clint back is probably the best option. Between you and Natasha you should hopefully be able to put Clint at ease.”

“I know you’re right,” Phil agrees. “I just don’t know who to put in charge in my absence.”

“Tough call,” Melinda agrees. “Do you want me to decide or do you want to call Jimmy and talk to him about giving up Lucky because Clint’s not actually dead and will want his dog back.”

“Clint was always willing to share custody of Lucky, but Clint will probably want him back,” Phil pauses to shake his head. “It was weird enough to me that Rogers was alive, but now Barnes…”

“At least we know all the other Howling Commandos are dead and buried?” Melinda offers.

“Somehow that’s still not reassuring,” Phil tells her.

“You handle your administrative. I’ll talk to Woo,” Melinda tells him.

“See if you can’t get him away from the FBI again,” Phil tells her.

“Well, it worked once,” Melinda smiles. “Just not sure it’ll work again.”

“He liked working with me,” Phil smiles.

“He liked working with Barton,” Melinda teases back.

*****~~~~~*****~~~~~*****

It’s a date. They’re on a date. Steve isn’t sure when he became such a sap, but he can’t stop grinning about the fact that he and Sam are on a date. Despite the fact that they’re still plotting data points on a map and trying to figure out where Clint’s been kept, despite the fact that Preston, Natasha, and May have basically taken over their living room, and they still don’t know where Bucky is, Sam and he are taking time to eat lunch at one of their favorite restaurants before they pick up lunch for everyone else. They’ve eaten together at this restaurant before, just the two of them, and yet Steve can’t stop smiling every time he looks at Sam.

Sam raises his eyebrows and Steve shakes his head. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s a good look on you,” Sam grins back. Sam keeps smiling at him too.

They’re nearly done with lunch and Steve is reluctant to leave. He wants more alone time with Sam, but he also needs to find Bucky and Clint.

“My time off got approved,” Sam tells him as he checks his phone.

Steve nods, grateful that they can both take time to find Bucky. He’s been mostly searching on his own, though Sam joins him when doesn’t have work. The other Avengers have been trying to help too. It’s been slow going, piecing together clues about Hydra and now trying to find Clint. Though mapping everything with JARVIS is helping, Steve wishes they had definitive answers. He needs Bucky and Clint to be safe.

His phone starts to ring just as the waiter brings their check. He’s about to tell Sam that it’s Tony and take the call when JARVIS texts him asking him to pick up. With worry Steve scoops up his phone, and tells Sam, “Tony.”

He starts to pull his wallet out, but Sam waves him off. Grateful he nods, then heads towards the exit, as he turns his phone on. “What’s wrong?”

“Why would…yeah. It’s very wrong,” Tony’s voice is slow and hollow. 

“Are you hurt?” Steve asks. Why would they contact him? He’s too far away if Tony’s hurt. Rhodey should be there and possibly Pepper. Steve wets his lips.

“Fine, psychically I’m fine…I should, I just…probably should not be watching this. I turned the sound off. I turned the sound off,” Tony manages.

“Can you turn it off? Can you let JARVIS turn it off?” Steve suggests as he steps outside.

“JARVIS turned it off. I told him not to, but apparently you have more sway.”

“You already sound a little more like yourself,” Steve encourages, then asks. “Where’s Rhodey?”

“He and Darcy were breaking the news about Clint to Hulk so we can tell Bruce,” Tony informs him. “Hulk really liked Clint. Also Thor’s here.”

“They were friends,” Steve agrees, grateful someone had thought about breaking the news that Clint’s still alive to Hulk as gently as possible.

Tony takes a deep breath, then says in a rush. “I should probably ask if you’re sitting.”

“Am now,” Steve informs him as he finds a bench on the sidewalk.

“They…SHIELD tortured, I’m relatively sure this is SHIELD doing this, they…Coulson, he’s alive, but they tortured him back to life.” Tony’s pushes each word out quickly, but slow enough that Steve knows he’s forcing himself to slow down so Steve will understand. Each word sounds just slightly more panicked than the last.

Steve forces himself to take a deep breath so he can focus on Tony and not what Tony just managed to tell him. As calmly as he can Steve says, “I know Hulk likes Rhodey more than he likes Thor, but you need Rhodey right now. Where’s Pepper?”

“Work, she’s busy. Don’t upset Pepper. She liked Phil.” Tony sound hollow again. 

“Tony,” Steve soothes. “I’m going to stay on the phone with you until Rhodey can get to you, then I’m calling Pepper because she’ll want to check in on you too. Sam and I can head your way.”

“That’s a four hour drive,” Tony contradicts.

Steve smiles. He’d rather Tony protest the drive time than him calling Pepper. He frowns as he hears a shout and scuffle behind him. There’s an angry shout and then a thwack. Steve’s grip on his phone tightens as he turns and realizes Sam is attempting to fend off an attack just outside the restaurant. Sam is in the middle of pinning one of his assailants, even as the man demands to know where the Winter Solider is. The other assailant is scrambling back against a building and raising his hands over his head as a woman with shoulder length curly brown hair smacks him with her purse. A young boy is backing away from the scene even as he holds out a phone, obviously taping the whole thing. A teenage girl is hitting the same man with a heavy looking book, but she pauses to scoop up Sam’s phone. 

“Yes, he’s fine,” she says into the phone. “Are you okay? Yes.”

She end the call then slips the phone into the pocket of Sam’s jacket before raising her book to help her mom again.

“Tony Sam’s getting attacked by Hydra,” Steve manages. 

“It’s Rhodey, JARVIS got me. I’ve got Tony. You help Sam,” Rhodey tells him.

“Sam’s got it under control and some amazing people stepped into help. Will you get ahold of Pepper too?”

“Already done,” Rhodey reassures. “Tony says if you get ahold of Clint and Barnes to bring them to the tower. It’s secure.”

“It’s a plan,” Steve agrees. He says goodbye as he rushes over to help. A car pulls up the sidewalk and parks. Two men scramble out. Steve grins when he recognizes one of them. “Agent Woo.”

Jimmy grins back as he moves to help Sam. “Stark called Hill. Hill called me.”

The other man is already rushing over to cuff the man who’s been beaten back with a purse and a book.

“Who’s your friend?” Steve asks.

“That’s Agent Grayson,” Jimmy pitches his voice so his friend can hear.

“Actually I prefer Bob,” Agent Grayson tells him as he thanks the two women and hauls the man up.

“You okay?” Steve asks Sam as he looks him over.

“Yeah,” Sam nods, giving Steve’s left elbow a squeeze and patting his pocket with a significant look. Steve takes a deep breath. They need to thank the women who stopped to help, but he wants to know about the phone call now. If Bucky feels the need to call after all this time, is he in danger too? Sam squeezes his elbow again. “It’s okay. We’ll figure it out. It’s okay.”

Steve nods.

“Are you okay?” The woman asks as she joins them, her two kids trailing after her.

“I’m fine. Are you okay?” Sam asks. Agent Grayson comes over to get the video footage off the boy’s phone as Jimmy makes sure the two Hydra agents are locked in the back of their car.

The woman reassures them that she and her kids aren’t harmed, even as she attempts to smooth out her shirt. Steve shifts from foot to foot. He still isn’t used to being recognized and he mostly wants to go home and double check that Sam’s uninjured and find out why Bucky called. He pauses from shifting behind Sam when he notice’s the title on the girl’s book. 

“Is that the new one?” he can’t help but ask.

“I love Rick Riordan,” she answers.

“I haven’t read that yet, how are you liking it?” Steve grins, feeling himself relax. Sam shakes his head and shares a fond look with her mom.

~~~~~*****~~~~~*****~~~~~

Natasha paces. She frowns at Melinda, who is still looking through files using the scanning device Rhodey had brought them. She should be helping. Pacing isn’t helping.

“You’re overthinking it,” Melinda tells her.

“They’re late,” Natasha tells her. “And they didn’t answer my text about Emily needing to go home for her kids.”

“They can look after themselves.”

“I know.”

Melinda turns off the scanning device and sets it on the coffee table. She raises her eyebrows as she looks up at Natasha. “You’re not being very objective.”

“No, I’m not,” Natasha agrees before she forces herself to sit cross-legged across from Melinda. She starts to reach for a file.

“They became your family after you lost Clint and Phil.”

Natasha hands drop into her lap. “They don’t know me as well.”

“You started to trust when you met Clint.”

“He grows on you,” Natasha agrees. “For all his inability to trust other people he’s easy to trust.”

“And Steve isn’t?”

“Sam too,” Natasha agrees. “I needed them after exposing Hydra by dumping SHIELD into the light of day. There’s still so much to dig through.”

“We’ll find Clint,” Melinda reassures.

“Before Hydra?”

Melinda leans back against the couch and frowns for a moment before she sighs and admits, “He was the only one that made me like that stupid nickname, because for him seeing me back him was a relief, and he made sure I knew that. Hydra touches him again, you’re not the only one that’s going to want a piece of them.”

Natasha nods. She shifts as they hear a car pull in. Natasha stands and checks that it’s Sam and Steve. She nods to Melinda that it’s them and the two go back to sorting files.

Sam comes in carrying a to-go bag with their lunch. His shirt is torn.

“What happened?” Melinda demands.

“Why’s Steve still in the car?” Natasha follow up.

“He’s on the phone with Tony,” Sam tells them. “We’re going taking this operation to New York.”

“It would be safer,” Melinda acknowledges. Avengers Tower would be more secure than the house Sam and Steve share.

“Is something wrong with Tony?” Natasha frowns as she studies Sam, looking him over for other injuries or tears to his clothes.

“I think so. Steve know more than I do,” Sam shrugs. “I’m fine, Nat.”

“There’s a tear in your shirt,” she pushes, raises an eyebrow as she meets his eyes.

“Hydra thought I’d know where Barnes and Barton are so they tried to kidnap me, in the middle of the day, with witnesses, who turned out to be badass. Seriously Steve made friends with the daughter Rachel, they may start a book club,” Sam tells them.

Natasha and Melinda wait until he stops talking before they share a look. Natasha’s points out, “We were talking about Clint, but they touched Sam.”

“They touched Sam,” Melinda agrees.

“What about Sam?” Steve asks as he joins them. He frowns at Sam, looking him up and down in concern.

“I’m fine. Thanks to Miriam and her kids Hydra learned not to mess with me while there are civilians around,” Sam reassures, then leans in when Steve wraps an arm around him.

“When you and the Avengers start taking out Hydra bases I want in,” Melinda tells them.

“I’ll call you,” Natasha reassures. “What wrong with Tony?”

“He’s got Rhodey,” Steve reassures, before he tells Melinda. “Hulk is of the same mindset. Thor and Darcy are telling Bruce about Clint.”

Natasha tilts her head. “Whatever’s upset Tony, you think I already know.”

“It’s Coulson.”

Natasha stills, briefly, before she attempts to clarify. “Did he find it on the web or was it one of the things I shoved at JARVIS so he’d grab it before it was fully public?”

“I didn’t ask. Tony was a wreck after watching a video,” Steve informs her.

“There’s video?” Melinda’s voice is cold. “Phil will want to see it, as if he doesn’t already have nightmares and flashback of what they did to him.”

“SHEILD’s not destroyed, is it?” Steve asks.

“It’s small,” Melinda tells him. “Phil’s in charge.”

Steve nods. “No more Hydra? No more…I, look we need to get to the tower. We need to check in with Tony.”

Sam agrees, then says, “I’m going to go change my shirt and pack us some clothes.”

Steve thanks him, then sits down near Natasha. “Are you okay?”

“How upset are you?” She gauges.

“You wanted him to be safe and it sounds like the less people knew the better,” Steve tells her.

Natasha nods, then wraps her arms around him, relief flooding through her when he returns the hug.

*****~~~~~*****~~~~~*****

Barnes is acutely aware of Clint watching him from where he lounges in the hotel room tub. He finishes shaving. Clint tilts his head, still watching silently. When he doesn’t make a move to get up Barnes combs his hair slowly. They need to leave, to meet Sam and Steve at Avenger’s Tower. Steve seems to think they’ll be safe there. Barnes isn’t sure what to do with the nervousness that is make his gut churn. He picks up his scissors and glares at his hair. They’re not safe yet, he tells himself as he sets the scissors back on the counter.

“I used to be in the circus,” Clint says. His voice has a faraway quality, as if he’s still feeling out the memories he’s telling Barnes about. “We cut our own hair. I was taught how. It wouldn’t be stylish, but it’d be shorter. You want me to?”

Barnes wets his lips, takes his eyes off the scissors and shifts them to the mirror so he can take in the way Clint is watching him. Barnes nods. Clint gets out of the tub and makes his way over. Barnes turns to meet his eyes.

Clint gives him a brief kiss, barely a press of lips, then tells him, “Bucky, relax. I have you.”

He tells Barnes to turn around, runs the comb through his hair again and then picks up the scissors. He runs his fingers through Barnes’ hair, separates a small section and then cuts it. He presses a kiss to Barnes’ shoulder. “Bucky.”

Clint sets the hair on the counter then teases section of hair out before cutting it. He presses a kiss to Barnes’ temple. “Bucky.”

Hair gets set on the counter. Clint’s fingers massage his lightly against scalp. A bit of hair is separated then cut. Clint kisses him. He kisses the shell of Barnes’ ear, his shoulder again, his back, slowly making his way around to the other side, and each time after the kiss he repeats Bucky’s name, until Bucky closes his eyes, trusts, and gets lost in the rhythm of it. There are years of suffering in how long his hair is, there’s fear of getting caught in not cutting it. Gradually he feels the weight of that suffering and fear lift. It’s a weight he’s wants to begin to part with, but he can’t do so on his own.

The scissors are set down with a firmness, so Bucky can hear the noise of them. Clint’s hands tease at his hair again, fingers brushing through his much shorter locks and massaging more firmly against his scalp. Clint brings his hand down, skims them across Bucky’s back and then wraps them around his waist. He presses a final kiss between Bucky’s shoulder blades.

Bucky’s hand come down to cover Clint’s. He opens his eyes. His hair is short enough that it no longer brushes against his face, but just long enough to be slightly messy. It’s not familiar in anyway. He’s languid and warm, but as he meet Clint’s eyes in the mirror that warmth turns to heat. Bucky wets his lips. He shifts, gives Clint time to step back, then turns and surges forward and kisses Clint. He doesn’t want to lose Clint when they stop running. He doesn’t want their old lives changing their dynamic. He knows it will, he just doesn’t know if Clint will stay in his life or not. He wants Clint, even if it’s only once. He cups Clint’s face as they trade increasingly desperate kisses. Clint moans and presses close. Bucky tugs at Clint’s shirt and pulls back just enough to pull the shirt off. Their eyes meet.

“Bed?” Clint pushes.

Bucky nods sharply before he gives in and kisses Clint again, using his hands on Clint’s hips to steer him out of the bathroom and towards the bed.

*****~~~~~*****~~~~~*****

Clint shifts from foot to foot as the elevator takes them to the common room. He complains to JARVIS about having to leave his guns behind. If JARVIS answers, he can’t hear him. Bucky leans in close and takes his hand. Clint blows out a slow breath and tries to give Bucky a smile. Bucky squeezes his hand, but he still looks pensive. They’re meeting Steve, Sam, Nat, and his husband. Clint isn’t sure what to do about meeting a husband he doesn’t remember.

The doors open. There’s a kitchen to their right and several couches in front of a large TV in front of them. Clint’s eyes skim over the people sitting there as they stand to greet him and Bucky. He recognizes Steve and Sam from Bucky’s description of them. Nat he recognizes from his memory and Coulson, the Director of SHIELD…

His world narrows down. He grabs, aims, and throws a knife he has on him without consciously thinking about it. Bucky slams into him. Clint tries to push past Bucky. They grapple briefly.

“You don’t want to,” Bucky tells him. “You don’t.”

They continue to wrestle with Bucky repeating his words.

“I have to kill him,” Clint manages to grunt out.

Their eyes meet. Bucky counters, “No, Hydra wanted you to kill him. You won’t want to.”

“I have to,” Clint shakes his head. “Hurts.”

Coulson is already past them, leaving. Where did his knife land? Clint grunts and squirms, taking stock of where the others. Steve is helping Sam up. Nat has his knife and Coulson is gone. 

Clint lets himself sag in Bucky’s grip, but Bucky doesn’t stop holding him. He shifts and test how Bucky’s holding him.

“We don’t have to do anything they told us to. Clint stop.”

He stills. Clint and Bucky, not Benjamin and Franklin.

“I can’t,” he chokes out, voice breaking. 

Nat drops near, waits till his eyes meet hers before she tells him. “You’ll regret it if you hurt him.”

Nat, he trusts her. Clint forces himself to go limp. Bucky sits back on his heels, urging Clint to go with him. He lets Bucky take his weight, closes his eyes when arms wrap tightly around him. His fingers twist into Bucky’s shirt. He takes a deep breath, trying to quell the need to find Coulson and kill him. “Where did he go?”

“Why does Hydra want you to kill him?” Nat asks.

He lets Bucky tell her. She sits down near them, then asks, “Fury too?”

“And anyone after Coulson,” Clint clarifies.

She holds out a small case. Frowning he takes it. The hearing aids inside are purple. He puts them in and sits back slightly. He doesn’t want to move, doesn’t want to let go of the way Bucky is holding him, but he needs more information.

“My knife?”

Nat smiles. “I gave it to Sam. He’s trustworthy.”

Clint’s eyes narrow. “How did I miss?”

Nat holds up her wrists so he can see the bracelets on each. “Stark made us wear protection. He was in an Iron Man suit as soon as you reached for the knife.”

“I could’ve thrown at any one of you,” Clint complains.

Bucky shakes his head. Clint frowns at him. Bucky squeezes his hand and explains. “You only reacted when you saw him. Why was the Director of SHIELD here, you said…”

“He was my husband,” Clint realizes. It’s true. He doesn’t even need Nat’s confirmation to know it’s true, but the need to complete his mission is overwhelming. Clint sits back onto the floor. He laughs helplessly.

*****~~~~~*****~~~~~*****

Phil sinks onto the couch next to Melinda on Tony’s private floor. She takes his hand and squeezes. Tony hands him a drink.

“I thought you quit drinking,” Phil counters even as his hands close around the glass. He needs to not think about his former husband trying to kill him.

“That doesn’t mean I can push my vices onto you,” Tony grins. “My drink is non-alcoholic. Bruce can taste test it and tell you.”

Bruce blinks as Tony shoves his drink close. He sighs and takes a drink. He blinks. “That’s really good.”

“Want one?” Tony offers.

Bruce nods. “Thank you.”

Tony turns to Melinda. “Drink.”

She shakes her head.

“Thanks,” Rhodey grins. Tony smirks, shoves his drink into Rhodes hand, then heads towards his former bar.

“Stark,” Phil address, making sure his voice carries.

“Yeah?” Tony acknowledges.

“Thanks for protecting me, are we sure he can’t get to this floor?” Phil asks.

“Bird Brain tested it out himself before he got stolen from us,” Tony reassures.

Phil suspects Clint would have a plan to bypass Tony’s protections, but that doesn’t mean he remembers it. Also he’s still wearing the bracelets that had called an Iron Man suit and kept him from getting stabbed. Phil suspects if the circumstances were different he’d be excited about having worn one of Tony’s suits. Hydra wants Clint to kill him because he’s the Director of SHIELD.

Melinda squeezes his hand, then distracts, “Is it only the Director or also temporary Directors too?”

Phil groans. “We’ll have to warn Morse.”

Melinda gives him a small smirk of amusement. Phil covers his face with a hand to keep from laughing.

“If there’s a joke I want in,” Tony interjects as he comes back and hands Bruce a drink, before he sits between him and Rhodey.

“I left Morse in charge while I did this,” Phil explains. “Bobbi was Clint’s wife.”

Tony raises an eyebrow, but chooses to take a sip of his drink instead of comment. Bruce stares. Rhodey stifles a laugh, then shakes his head. “So now he’ll want to kill his former wife and his, wait are you guys still married?”

“We both died,” Phil shrugs. “I haven’t sorted all the paperwork on that out yet.”

*****~~~~~*****~~~~~*****

Bucky looks around the balcony that Steve leads him to. Clint is talking to Natasha and Sam.

“He’ll be okay,” Bucky reassures. “I wanted to kill you at one point too.”

“I’m not worried about him,” Steve reassures. “How are you?”

“I’m here,” Bucky tells him. “I’m still figuring out who I am, but I want to be Bucky. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Steve nods, shift closer and ducks his head. Bucky laughs and pulls him into a hug. They step back after a moment. 

“Where have you been all this time?” Steve asks.

“Mostly watching you and Sam,” Bucky confesses. He rubs the back of his head, smiling when his fingers don’t get tangled. “Mostly watching you worry about me and Sam worry about you.”

“You were safe?” Steve asks.

“I was trying to keep you safe.”

Steve nods.

“Are you two still pining after each other or….”

Steve raises his eyebrow and waits. Bucky crosses his arms. Steve smiles slowly, “You mean did he kiss me after you told him to?”

“You weren’t going to do it,” Bucky challenges with a hint of a smile.

“We talked,” Steve reassures. “We’re still figuring things out, but we’re trying.”

“Finally.”

*****~~~~~*****~~~~~*****

Melinda watches Phil check his phone, then start typing as she brushes her teeth. She joins him in their bed a few moments later. “How’s Barton?”

“If we need a divorce he wants a divorce,” Phil tells her.

She smiles and shakes her head. “Still homicidal?”

“We can text, not sure how that’d translate to seeing each other. He’s starting to remember me, but it’s slow and he’s feeling guilty about it.”

Melinda nods and wraps an arm around Phil. “Getting Lucky back will help.”

“I keep telling him it’s not his fault,” Phil sighs. “I’m just glad Jimmy could make it up there this weekend.”

“If Barton wasn’t so stubborn he could’ve had him back already.”

“I think he wanted to thank Jimmy for taking in his dog,” Phil points out softly.

“I’m sure he does, but with the number of times Lucky has run away looking for Clint it’ll be easier when they’re together.”

Phil agrees then presses a kiss to her cheek.

*****~~~~~*****~~~~~*****

Clint bounces slightly on his sock clad feet. He brushes his shoulder against Bucky, who reacts by wrapping an arm around his waist. Bucky turns to face Clint and catches his chin. “You’re doing the right thing. Agent Woo said he misses you.”

“Agent Woo doesn’t miss me,” Clint contradicts.

The elevator opens. A one-eye Labrador whines and pulls at his leash, yanking at Jimmy, who lets go of the leash and steps onto the floor. Lucky bounds over to Clint barking excitedly. Clint goes down on his knees and wraps his arms around the wiggling dog who starts licking his face. Clint tips over laughing, petting Lucky.

“So Agent Woo,” Bucky asked. “Did you miss Clint?”

“Who wouldn’t miss Clint?”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Art for: I'm Scared You'll Forget Me Again](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16487099) by [sian1359](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sian1359/pseuds/sian1359)




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